Facebook has been the topic of many Whiny Wednesday rants, and rightly so. Social media in general has perpetuated a myth of happiness that can make any kind of pain feel worse. So this week, our topic is this:
“The Illusion of Other People’s Perfect Lives”
Let us know how you feel.
I never realized how prevalent this really is until the day my stepson’s wife threw an angry childish meltdown tantrum in public over something “terrible” my step-son did, then 30 mins later she posted a kissy-kissy pic of them on FB prattling on about how wonderful he is. Fast forward years later and now it’s perfect fam photos on FB. This is not real-life. The end result being I have severe trust issues with her, as well as anyone else who posts only feel-good posts on FB. I need people in my life to be honest and if they can handle it, even raw. I have too many fakers, who just perpetuate the perfect fam myth.
Also, I think * today * it’s FB, but in the past I feel the pressure came from peers, movies and magazines. And, of course, mothers and mothers-in-law with chronic boundary issues.
I agree with… a myth of happiness…
I love the quote which says “Do not compare your behind the scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.” Often social media is just that–a highlight reel…
This is not exactly on topic but this is my whine and I’m looking for some advice from other group members. I only have 3 sister-in-laws of my husband’s siblings. 1 (his brother’s wife) is going to be a grandmother in the near future. I just received the baby shower invitation and my husband’s 2 sisters are named as giving the shower. I’ve always made the effort to fit in with this group of sibs but since they all have children and I don’t, it has been very difficult. They live close by and we see them often so it’s not like they couldn’t have asked me if I’d like to be included to help with the baby shower as I would have said yes immediately. In the past I’ve offered to help in giving other family showers and at times I’m included, other times not (not sure of the variables but I’ve dealt with it). For some reason I feel highly insulted right now. First because I would have loved to help give the shower and second because I wasn’t even part of the planning and/or they didn’t let me know I was excluded ahead of time. This shower is at my sister-in-laws house so I won’t be included in helping with serving the meal etc. I’m so upset right now that I’m trying to think of an excuse not to go and just send a gift. Baby showers are always hard as we all know but now I won’t even have anything to do but sit at a table and make small talk with the other moms and grandmothers. Am I being too sensitive?
No, you are not being too sensitive Phyllis. I can totally empathise and understand how you feeling. I am somewhat in the same set up like your’s, friends and family have children and their talks are all about kids and their future. I do feel out of the place most of the times. Right now also, the entire family of cousins and siblings have gathered in my home town for festival celebrations.. but i didnt even try to go there and be a part of it! Although, here not because they wouldn’t have included me in their work and plannings, but because i would have felt out of the place.
Though I am not taking sides here, but i do feel that sometimes people don’t include us not because they don’t want or anything, but may be because they feel that an event like ‘baby shower’ might press all the wrong emotional buttons in our bodies. They don’t want to push it with us, and probably because of that they take this stand!
And if you look at it, if people ask us to organise baby showers or their kid’s birthday party for them, we wouldn’t be very happy with it! Would we be?
So, all i want to say is that, cheer up and forget about it! Life is still good 🙂 Spread love and smile!
Everyone’s whine is always allowed. This stuff is too hard to figure out on our own. I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. Not having kids when you wanted them plus in-laws not being inclusive of you? That’s not easy.
I used to live with my husband and his mother with my husband’s brother, wife, and their kids next door and my husband’s father, sister, and her kid down the street. After years of trying to be included and getting my feelings hurt, I just gave up. I type that like it was an easy thing to do, but it was not. But once I was able to do it, my life got so much better. All that was years ago and it doesn’t even matter anymore. Now I have my own life with my own stuff going on and I can’t be bothered by in-laws who don’t have time or energy for me.
P.S. I don’t go to anyone’s baby shower. I have many years of practice in this area. The people I love understand and the people that don’t understand, well I don’t care.
Thanks so much Phoenix. I really appreciate your response and you have been very helpful in your comments. I understand having in-laws live so close. One of the sister-in-laws I referred to in my post moved in to a home a few houses away from my husband and I after we’d been established in the neighborhood. It hasn’t been easy for me for a lot of reasons, (my husband and I not having children just being one of them and they now have grandchildren so add that to the mix) but I’ve learned to deal with it and go on with my life. I still go to some baby showers of siblings children when I am not out of town but this is one I am very conflicted about. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about it but it’s 3 weeks away so I have time to decide and I may just have other plans on that day. After all it’s not like they asked me if I could attend when they planned the shower without asking me to be a part of giving it. Again thanks so much for your insightful, kind and very helpful response to my post.