This hot-button whine was sent in from one of our readers.
When you read an interview of some celebrity or hear someone say:
“I never knew what love was until I had a child.”
So…is she saying that because I’m childless I’m not capable or “real” love or that I will be denied the experience of the highest expression of love?
Whether this makes your blood boil or cuts you to the core, whine away, sisters!
And if you have another great whine you need to get off your chest this week, here’s the place to let it rip.
Ugh, this definitely makes my blood boil. I just have to say that my husband and I had to say goodbye to our dog last week. She started having seizures after being treated for lymphoma this past year. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I had no idea I could love a dog so much. I had no idea she would make me so happy and a better person. She was the only being in the world who watched me cry so hard I couldn’t breathe after failed IUI and miscarriages and didn’t offer advice, she only gave me love. My heart is broken and I miss her so much but I know we did the right thing for her…
It DEFINITELY does not have to be a baby that shows you how to love. I think a dog shows you how to love greater because their love is unconditional. They will never yell at you or be mad at you. They will only love you. My point is not that you need a dog to learn how to love, it’s that you don’t need a child to develop a deep loving connection.
I love this Jenn, and agree completely. I love that my dog has never offered unsolicited advice about infertility. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Love this. My dogs are my kids, and while no one really seems to get that, it’s just the way it is. People have told me “dogs could never be as valuable as children” or “it’s just not the same” and that’s true, it’s not the same, but if I choose to pour my love into them who’s business is it. I just wish others would show more interest in my kids, because I really have nothing to say in a conversation revolving around kids, and it’s tough. I’m sorry for your loss. Been through it many times and it’s never easy.
I think love is in SO MANY places – but not everyone looks for it or finds it…
People look for it, and find it, in their children – and in their pets – and in their spouses and families… but sometimes they forget it, or worse, ignore it or deny it or miss it…
It’s really all just chemicals, and the plasticity of our brains – infatuation floods you with chemicals, eating chocolate floods you with chemicals… We can cultivate these chemicals – long walks, heartfelt conversations, belly rubs, whatever.
The infatuation people have with their baby does eventually quiet down, some time between stepping on a lego and repairing the big scratch they put in the paint job of your car… You’ll ALWAYS love them… but… not *always*…
I don’t think people loose the infatuation they have with their pets – my cat was ALWAYS my baby, and our mutual devotion was her entire life. the infatuation doesn’t go away for people who INVEST their love IN to those pets –
That’s all love is: your INVESTMENT. into whatever it is that you’ve stumbled upon, lucked into, looked for, found and/or nurtured.
there’s a lovely (tee hee) meme going around about how love isn’t just about coupledom and sex – it’s about ANYTHING you care for – and I so agree.
i *KNOW* love. and i feel sad for people who “did not know love” until they had a baby – they found nothing worth investing in until then?! (not even the person they made the baby with?) But – I have a theory: that they DID know love. they knew it when THEY were babies, looking up at their mommies. They knew it when they played with their childhood pets, they knew it when they did whatever the thing was that they obsessed over when they were young (ponies? trains? the boy sitting three rows back in math class?) they knew it when they met their “first love” and when they said “I do” and maybe when they looked at a sunset, or their sports team won the big game… but then you forget – because love can be overwhelming, and love can fade if it’s not in exactly the right environment for it, or it can be compartmentalized because you get busy and need to pay rent, and I think people forget what they can’t feel in the immediate moment. Our feelings are so NOW based.
So yeah, I know love. I can find it when I look for it. It can overwhelm me, if I let it. there is SO MUCH in the world to love.
Robin, I love your response!! I completely agree. Do you write anywhere else? I’d love to read more. 🙂
very well put!
That comment is like saying ‘I never knew water until I took a bath.’ It just doesn’t make sense. At least not for a relatively normal person who comes from a relatively normal home environment.
To change Forest Gumps quote a little:
“I may not have a child, but I know what love is.”