Most people in my life were supportive when I told them about my decision to end my quest for motherhood. But there were some who didn’t want me to quit. They kept offering unsolicited advice and stories of other people’s miracles, when what I really needed from them was a kind and understanding word.
So this week’s whine topic is:
People who won’t let you quit
Happy whining!
This kind of reminds me of Mr T of the “A Team” because I pity the fool that ever tries to persuade me to try again. One of my most very hurtful experiences was announcing I was giving up on an Egg donation forum and having almost everyone who had been a supporter completely abandon me. Including one who’d once been so close, she offered me her left over embryos. It took me a long time to feel even remotely healed from that experience. I’m so, so glad it is all over and that now I can be the understanding person I once needed.
Not just people you know but Doctor kept asking me what I used for Birth control…excuse me if I hadn’t been Pregnant in 20 years it wasn’t happening.
What a relief my Hysterectomy was…no more questions on Birth Control
I struggle to remain patient with people who react this way (especially because I don’t just talk to anyone about this very personal topic). Even when I try my best to educate people and explain that it is after much consideration and thought that we arrived at this decision, people still want to “fix the problem” and offer unsolicited advice that is not helpful and is very frustrating. No one but my partner and I get to decide what is right for us, so why do I worry so much about whether other people understand? So thankful for LWB blog so that I know I’m not alone in this.
I just got the “Never give up!” speech from someone who I know struggled for 10 years before finally having 2 kids. I ended up not replying, but it made me feel like I was somehow weaker than her, or had less faith, or whatever because we gave up so soon. But that’s kind of the reason. I had done enough research and heard enough stories to know that I wasn’t up for doing years and years of treatments and years and years of disappointment only to come up empty. I was already emotionally spent, and we had just gone through the worst year of our lives filled with disappointment, dashed hopes, pain, hormones, mood swings, and rejection by other people. I didn’t want to go through that longer than need be. Maybe she is stronger, I don’t know. I just know that my decision is mine, and no one else’s. I still doubt and wonder if we should have tried more, but finally giving up was a huge weight off me, even if it did come with its own grief.