Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Books
  • Contact

Chero of the Week: Charlayne Woodard

November 18, 2011

You might recognize Charlayne Woodard from TV shows like Law and Order, ER, and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but more recently she’s been making a name for herself on Broadway.

Charlayne isn’t a parent, but she’s a godmother, auntie, and mentor to dozens of other people’s children. She’s had a stranger on a subway train tell her she’s not a real woman because she doesn’t have children, and she’s had a friend try to convince her to make a split second decision about adopting a baby. But she’s stood firm, and now she’s written a one-woman play about her experiences as a non-mom.

The Seattle Times called The Night Watcher “thoughtful and engrossing, entertaining and poignant” and says that Woodard “vividly illustrates a critical source of love for young people living in a culture that exalts the idea of biological parenthood but doesn’t always follow through.”

I’m so pleased to see someone finally addressing the subject of the important role that people who aren’t parents can play in the lives of children. And lucky for me, Charlayne is bringing her show to Los Angeles this month, so I’m going.

I’ll report in when I’ve been, but for now let’s hear a “Brava!” for Charlayne Woodard for having the courage to speak up about being childfree.

Filed Under: Childfree by Choice, Children, Current Affairs, The Childfree Life: Issues and Attitudes Tagged With: adoption, auntie, charlayne woodard, childfree, children, los angeles, other people's children

“LOST AND FOUND, Life as I (K)NEW It”

September 24, 2011

As you know, I am usually very hesitant about posting stories relating to families, children, and babies, and that’s not going to change any time soon, but adoptive parents, particularly those who adopt through the foster care system, have a special place in my heart. From my own experience, I know that this type of adoption is a calling and it takes a special kind of person to pull it off.

Amy Hill, playwright and star of Lost and Found: Life as I K(new) It, was 47 years old and single when she adopted a baby girl through the L.A. County DCFS. Now, she and her 11-year old daughter, Penelope have taken their story to the stage in this

two-woman show about the trials and tribulations of multiracial/transracial adoption and single motherhood.

We each have a unique story to tell about our journey towards or away from motherhood. While Amy’s story took a different course to any of our stories, it’s often in the differences that we find common ground.

If you’re in the Los Angeles area, consider checking out Amy and Penelope’s show.

 

“LOST AND FOUND, Life as I (K)NEW It”

Japanese American National Museum,
 Los Angeles, CA

October 1 @ 7 pm

October 2 @ 2 pm & 7 pm

Amy Hill explores how her life has evolved since her daughter became a part of her family. She talks about adoption, single motherhood, multiracial/transracial identity mash-ups and her continuing struggles to figure it all out in a humorous and honest way. Far from her days of flying solo, she has moved into a not so solo world: her daughter may or may not make an appearance.

$15 Members, Students, Groups (10+), Seniors

$20 non-members

Want to see a teaser of the show? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTmcqaSkkcs 

Filed Under: Children, Family and Friends Tagged With: adoption, amy hill, children, foster, identity, multiracial, transracial

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

September 23, 2011

Pamela at Silent Sorority posted a wonderful story yesterday about the response she received from her recent Open Salon article about being a non-mom, Dispatch from Hell: It’s not all bad.

 

I found it encouraging that so many readers embraced her decision regarding adoption, and I was especially wowed by her own mother’s open-mindedness, when she wrote: “I’ve never understood why people automatically think that because a couple doesn’t have a child of their own, they will, of course, adopt. It’s like expecting a man or woman who never married to become a priest or a nun.” Well said, Mom!

I also laughed out loud (as did my husband, who has grown children) at a comment from the father of a “stay-at-home 23 year-old” who wrote: “No doubt it is a great pleasure watching your child grow, […] but if the second ten years came first, there would be no second children.”

As if to prove this point, I opened up my newspaper this morning and found myself both laughing and despairing at this article about three 19 year-old “boys,” who have just managed to wreck their lives through sheer stupidity. I’m sure their parents are very proud.

Yes, being a non-mom can be painful, sad, frustrating, or all of the above, but even so, the grass isn’t always greener on the parenting side of the fence.

Filed Under: Childless Not By Choice, Children, Infertility and Loss, The Childfree Life: Issues and Attitudes Tagged With: adoption, frustration, heaven, hell, life, non-mom, pamela tsigdinos, parenthood, sadness, silent sorority

Another Side of the Motherhood Discussion

August 18, 2010

My friend Denise writes a wonderfully brave blog (and has also written a stunning memoir) about adoption. She was a teenage mother in the 60s and gave up her son for adoption, then finally tracked him down as a grown man.

I’ve been reluctant to share the blog because it’s always felt like such a delicate subject, especially those of us who never got the chance to have children of our own, but it occurred to me today that she touches on a lot of the same themes we talk about and the issues that we deal with. She writes about loss when you’re not allowed to grieve, about choices you have no choice but to make, about the hurtfulness of people’s attitudes and misconceptions, about hiding, and about being so mad you could spit.  Any of this sound familiar?

I think it’s always interesting to see a topic from multiple points-of-view and as we’re on the subject of tolerance this week, I thought I’d share this. Denise’s blog is a beautiful look at a different facet of this motherhood discussion. If you’re up to it, take a look.

Filed Under: Children, Infertility and Loss, The Childfree Life: Issues and Attitudes Tagged With: adoption, birthmother, denise emanuel clemen

Justifying the Decision to Remain Childless

June 2, 2010

After posting yesterday’s article about surrogates in India, I came across this Op-Ed piece about a study that looked at the emotional impact on children conceived through sperm and egg donation. Here’s what the researchers found:

“a population that’s at once grateful to the fertility industry and uneasy about the way they were conceived, supportive of assisted fertility but haunted by the feeling of being a bought-and-paid-for child.

Americans conceived through sperm donation also are more likely to feel alienated from their immediate family than either biological or adopted children. They’re twice as likely as adoptees to report envying peers who knew their biological parents, twice as likely to worry that their parents “might have lied to me about important matters” and three times as likely to report feeling “confused about who is a member of my family and who is not.”

And the realities of commercialized reproduction — in which desirable donors can father dozens of children by different mothers, creating far-flung networks of half-siblings who will never know each other — weigh heavily on them. They are more likely than adoptees to say that “when I see someone who resembles me, I often wonder if we are related,” for instance, and much more likely to worry about accidentally falling into a romantic relationship with a relative.”

I found this fascinating and wonder how many parents consider this, and if it’s just one of those issues that will need to be dealt with if and when it arises. I know that when I was faced with the possibility of first sperm and later egg donation, these findings didn’t occur to me. Something didn’t feel right to me, but that’s all that I really knew.

I think that now I am probably looking for justification of my decision to not have a baby by any possible means, but if so, I’m having no trouble finding evidence to support my case.

Filed Under: Childfree by Choice, Current Affairs, Health, Infertility and Loss Tagged With: adoption, Infertility, sperm donor

When Choice is Not an Option

May 4, 2010

Last night I performed at a spoken word show here in Santa Monica. I got up in front of about 100 total strangers and told the story of how my husband, Jose, and I came to make the decision to give up on having children, and be a happy family of two. As I’m sure you can imagine, it was a very intimate story and I think I told it frankly, maybe even matter-of-factly, but I aired our dirty laundry all the same.

My husband was in the  audience and, as he’d never heard or read the story before, I was a little worried about his reaction, but he was 100% supportive. After the show, a number of people came up to me and thanked me for sharing my story. A couple of women told me how they had related to the story because of their own experiences. It was very touching and encouraging to know that I had reached people.

But more than one person came up to me during the post-show reception and asked the inevitable question, some version of: “So are you guys still thinking of adopting?” I want you to know that I was the model of composure. I answered calmly and politely, that no, we weren’t, and that we were lucky to have the kind of relationship that many people never have, and that was enough for us.

But I guess some people just can’t take, “No,” for an answer. People want a Hollywood ending to their stories,  and for many, the idea of choosing not to have children is, dare I say it, inconceivable.

Filed Under: Childfree by Choice, Lucky Dip, The Childfree Life: Issues and Attitudes Tagged With: adoption, Dealing with questions, Entertainment, Infertility, Society

Whiny Wednesday

April 14, 2010

Last week a Tennessee woman pinned a note to her 7-year old adopted son and put him alone on a plane back to Russia.

People, a child is not a purchase. You cannot get a refund on your child, biological or adopted, just because he didn’t turn out quite as you’d hoped. I understand how the desire for motherhood can taint a person’s view until she can see only what she wants to see when the chance of having a child is presented to her. But this is a human life we’re talking about here. If you choose to be a mother, you choose to be a mother FOR LIFE, not just until it gets too hard.

That’s my gripe. What’s yours?

Filed Under: Lucky Dip, Whiny Wednesdays Tagged With: adoption, Society, Whine

« Previous Page

START THRIVING NOW

WorkBook4_3D1 LISA BUY THE BOOK BUTTON

Categories

  • Cheroes
  • Childfree by Choice
  • Childless Not By Choice
  • Children
  • Current Affairs
  • Family and Friends
  • Fun Stuff
  • Guest Bloggers
  • Health
  • Infertility and Loss
  • It Got Me Thinking…
  • Lucky Dip
  • Maybe Baby, Maybe Not
  • Our Stories
  • Published Articles by Lisa
  • Story Power
  • The Childfree Life: Issues and Attitudes
  • Uncovering Grief
  • Whiny Wednesdays
  • With Eyes of Faith
  • You Are Not Alone

READ LISA’S AWARD WINNING BOOK

Lisa Front cover-hi

~ "a raw, transparent account of the gut-wrenching journey of infertility."

~ "a welcome sanity check for women left to wonder how society became so fixated on motherhood."

read more ->

LISA BUY THE BOOK BUTTON

HELPFUL POSTS

If you're new here, you might want to check out these posts:

  • How to Being Happily Childfree in 10,000 Easy Steps
  • Friends Who Say the Right Thing
  • Feeling Cheated
  • The Sliding Scale of Coming-to-Terms
  • Hope vs. Acceptance
  • All the Single Ladies
  • Don't Ignore...the Life Without Baby Option

Readers Recommend

Find more great book recommendations here ->

Copyright © 2026 Life Without Baby · Privacy Policy · Cookie Policy · Designed by Pink Bubble Gum Websites