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Some (Good) Changes Coming to Life Without Baby

January 4, 2019

If you’re a regular reader, you’re probably expecting an “It Got Me Thinking” post from Kathleen today. However, we’re making a few changes to the format in 2019. Don’t be alarmed. In this case, change is good.

Kathleen is hard at work on a new book (I’ve read an early draft and I can’t wait to tell you more about it soon.) In order to give her the time she needs to do final rounds of revisions, we’re shifting things around a bit here.

On Mondays, you’ll still see posts from me (Lisa), mixed in with with the occasional post from Kathleen. Whiny Wednesdays will continue as normal.

If you’re craving “It Got Me Thinking”, you can find all Kathleen’s posts here. You can also read through her “Our Stories” posts for a reminder that “You are not alone.”

Please join me in wishing Kathleen luck with her project. She’ll be back before long to tell you more about it. Meanwhile, thank you for growing and changing with us!

These Childless Women Are Thriving…and So Will You

April 3, 2017

Seven years ago, when I started this blog, I was a desolate mess. I’d made plans to build my dream life and, bit by bit, those plans were crumbling beyond my control.

I’d quit my corporate job to become a writer. My plan was to make a living writing articles for magazines, which would allow me time to write my novel. Then, when my children were born, I’d be able to work from home and be there to take care of them. It was a perfect scenario.

Except, the children didn’t come and magazines started to go out of business and my novel wouldn’t sell. My dream quickly began to fall apart. I felt alone, despite being surrounded by people who loved me, and my life felt hopeless and utterly out of control.

And once things fell apart, it seemed like so many areas of my life suffered too. I felt challenged in my career, finances, marriage, health, family, all while trying to navigate grief. I had already hit my rock bottom when I decided to start this blog. It was a first step in starting my climb back up.

All of us hit our rock bottom at some point and each of us has to make our own way back to the surface. I hope this site and this community have served as a small step up for you.

So today, I’d like to share some stories of other women from our community. I met most of them through their blogs, when they were already on their way back up from their lowest points. These women have incredible success stories, but I know that, at some point, they each felt out of control and hopeless. They suffered through depression, failed marriages, health crises, and deep grief. I hope that sharing their successes will inspire you to keep moving forward and keep believing that things will get better.

Last week, Jody Day presented her first TED talk, “The Lost Tribe of Childless Women”. She has become a powerful advocate for women aging without children.

Melanie Notkin of has also done TED talk and has shone a new light on “Otherhood” and the value of childless aunts.

Tomorrow, Tracey Cleantis launches her second book, An Invitation to Self-Care, hot on the success of her infertility-based debut book The Next Happy.

Also preparing to launch her second book, The Mother of Second Chances, Justine Froelker is coordinating a tour of 21 infertility blogs leading up to National Infertility Awareness Week.

Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos was the first blogger I found when I started to reach out for my tribe. She is continuing to blaze trails with investigative journalism and advocacy work around the fertility industry.

Lesley Pyne is hard at work on a book that has come from her wonderful world coaching women through grief after infertility. I hope to share news on that later this year.

And our own Kathleen Guthrie Woods is in the revision of her story, The Mother of All Dilemmas, early drafts of which I have been privileged to read. More to come on this soon, too.

As for me, I’m doing all right. My plans are working out too, even if not quite as I’d first envisioned them. Tomorrow, my debut novel, A Strange Companion (the one that couldn’t get a sniff) will be published. I am enjoying a relationship with Mr. Fab’s grandchildren, something that would have been too hard to navigate seven years ago. And, I never believed I would say this, I’m happy. My life is good.

Today, my rock bottom feels a long way behind me. I hope that yours will someday, too.

Helping Childless Women Find Help

October 17, 2016

By Lisa Manterfield

When I first realized I wasn’t going to be able to have children, I had no idea where to turn. Online searches for “infertility” only turned up more sites and books with miracle cures to help get me pregnant. Googling “childless support” almost always turned up groups and books celebrating being childfree-by-choice. There was some help out there, but often it was buried several pages back.

Ten years later, there is more support for people who find themselves childless-not-by-choice, but often that information is hard to find. So, today, I’d like to ask for your help in helping others.

If you’ve read books on the topics of infertility and being childless not by choice, and especially if you’ve found those books valuable, please consider writing a short review on Amazon.

The reason Amazon reviews are so important is that Amazon isn’t just a bookstore, it’s a huge search engine, enabling someone searching online for help to find the handful of books out there. Reviews of books on our topic help to push them up the rankings to make them more likely to pop up on the first page of a search. Reviews also let potential readers know that the book is trusted by others.

So I’d like to ask you now to take a few moments to help others find help and support. If you’ve read my books or if you’ve read books by Pamela, Jody, Justine, Jessica, Tracey, Melanie, or any other authors, please consider leaving a short review. (And if I’ve missed any books or authors, please add them in the comments.)

If you’ve never written a book review before, don’t worry. You don’t need to write more than a couple of sentences. Here are some examples borrowed from actual reviews:

Start with a quick sentence about what the book is about, so readers know what to expect:

“This book captured the many emotions of dealing with an infertility diagnosis and facing a life without children.”

“After learning I would not be able to have children, I found this book. It was like reading my own story.”

“This is an awesome book. I’ve been through the same challenges, concerns, worries, emotions, and could relate to the author’s journey.”

Then add something about why you liked I (or didn’t like) the book:

“I couldn’t put it down. I laughed, cried, laughed, and cried some more. A must read.”

“The author’s story is so similar to mine that I empathized with every word.”

“I really appreciated her sense of humor on this serious topic.”

You can also make a recommendation for who might find the book useful:

“A must read for anyone struggling with infertility, the ethics of medical procedures, whether to adopt, etc.”

“Great read if you’ve gone through the struggles of trying to have a child.”

Below are links to my books, and the others I mentioned above. If you do write a review, please let know so I can say a huge and heartfelt thank you.

Life Without Baby: Surviving and Thriving When Motherhood Doesn’t Happen by Lisa Manterfield (Steel Rose Press, 2016)

I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood by Lisa Manterfield (Steel Rose Press, 2010)

Life Without Baby Workbooks by Lisa Manterfield:

Workbook 1: Letting Go of the Dream of Motherhood

Workbook 2: Getting Through the Grief of Childlessness

Workbook 3: Dealing With the Day-to-Day Challenges

Workbook 4: Thriving in a New Happily Ever After

Silent Sorority: A Barren Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found by Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos (BookSurge Publishing, 2009)

Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children by Jody Day (CreateSpace, 2013)

The Next Happy: Let Go of the Life You Planned and Find a New Way Forward by Tracey Cleantis (Hazelden, 2015)

Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility by Justine Froelker (Morgan James, Publishing, 2014)

The Pursuit of Motherhood by Jessica Hepburn (Matador, 2014)

Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness by Melanie Notkin (Seal Press, 2014)

Avalanche: A Love Story by Julia Leigh (W. W. Norton & Company, 2016)

Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams Into New Beginnings by Sheridan Voysey (Thomas Nelson, 2013)

Finally, a big thank you to Cathy at Slow Swimmers and Fried Eggs, who did a really nice write-up for I‘m Taking My Eggs and Going Home last week, and reminded her readers (and me) of the importance of reviewing books on this topic.

Cheroes: Children’s Authors Who Didn’t Have Kids

December 16, 2011

It takes a mother to truly understand children, right?

WRONG!!

Next time someone tells you that, whip out this handy dandy list of cheroes. All of these wonderful women wrote books that have resonated (in some cases for over a century) with little tykes all over the world.

Louisa May Alcott – Little Women (1868)

Beatrix Potter – The Tale of Peter Rabbit (1900)

Kate Douglas Wiggin – Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (1903)

Eleanor Hodgman Porter – Pollyanna (1913)

Margaret Wise Brown – The Runaway Bunny (1942), Goodnight, Moon (1947)

Tove Jansson – The Moomin Series (1948)

Dodie Smith – 101 Dalmatians (1956), I Capture the Castle (1949)

Anna Sewell – Black Beauty (1957)

Louise Fitzhugh – Harriet the Spy (1964)

Penelope Lively – The Ghost of Thomas Kempe (1973), A Stitch in Time (1976)

Ann M. Martin – The Baby-Sitters Club Series (1986)

Gail Carson Levine – Ella Enchanted (1997)

Kat DiCamillo – The Tale of Desperaux (2003), Because of Winn-Dixie (2000)

Meg Cabot – The Princess Diaries (2000)

Holly Black – The Spiderwick Chronicles (2003)