Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About the Sisterhood of Childfree Women

By Kathleen Guthrie Woods 
“You are not alone.”

I think those might be four of the most beautiful words in our language.

Not long ago, I was a single, childfree woman who felt like the last single and childfree woman on the planet—or at least among my circle of friends. I rarely talked about my sadness, my isolation, my desperation, and my fears that I would never be a member of the mommy club with my peers. Instead, I pasted a smile on my face and stuffed myself into puffy bridesmaids gowns and nodded with feigned understanding as mommies shared their birthing and child rearing stories at baby showers. It is possible to feel completely alone in a room full of people.

I credit our amazing founder Lisa Manterfield with opening my eyes to a new world of possibilities. Through her and the LifeWithoutBaby site, I became acquainted with Pamela Tsigdinos, author of Silent Sorority; Melanie Notkin, the Savvy Auntie; and Jody Day at Gateway Women. I was introduced to our cheroes (heroes who just happen to be childfree), including Oprah Winfrey, Marilyn Monroe, Sally Ride, Mary Cassatt, and Julie Taymor. Getting to know more about these women has shown me that a childfree life can indeed be exciting and fulfilling.

What has touched my heart the most is how women just like me have shared their stories and offered support. As I’ve (cautiously) begun to tell women outside of our circle my story, I’ve been amazed at the candid responses: “I never really wanted children…I love being an aunt and that’s enough for me…You are so brave and you inspire me…I’ve never told anyone this, but….” Wow. Once I opened myself up, women from all corners of my life opened up to me and told previously undisclosed stories of infertility battles, adoption disasters, and hurtful discrimination—stories we hear on this site every day. All of these experiences have served to remind me that while the circumstances that brought us here may be different, our passion for living our lives to the fullest is a common denominator. I am humbled to be included in these discussions, and awed to sometimes recognize that I have been the catalyst.

If you’re feeling alone, I encourage you to explore this site more fully and look for topics and stories that resonate with you. There are many resources available here. There’s wonderful support and encouragement here. You are—and I am—not alone. Embrace it.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is wrapping up a memoir about her experiences as a temporary single working mom, an adventure that helped her come to peace with her decision to be childfree.

It Got Me Thinking…About Is She or Isn’t She?

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

I am constantly on the lookout for cheros, that’s heros who happen to be childfree. When I explore different countries and cultures, I want to know if the groundbreaker I’m learning about juggled raising children with making history. When I’m in a museum, I note names of female painters who intrigue me, then I google them when I get home, hoping to discover they devoted their lives to creating masterpieces instead of babies. I want to find women like me who have lived amazing lives (sans children) and can inspire me to do the same. So when a phenomenal woman makes the news, I want to know: Is she or isn’t she…childfree?

That’s why I got really excited when I first heard about Julia Pierson, the first female head of the Secret Service.

I found out about Pierson’s recent appointment in a post by Marcy Twete, the founder of Career Girl Network. (Read the post here here.) As the head of the Secret Service, Pierson will oversee the offices that protect the president of the United States and address national security issues ranging from identity theft to terrorism. Pierson comes to the office with more than 30 years experience, having started her career as a law enforcement officer, and she’s more than up to the tasks of her new position. A woman in charge? This is a big deal!

I went in search of more information about Pierson and found her official bio. (Read it here.) Yes, I wanted to know about her background, but really I wanted to know if she was on my “team”. Could she be a role model for me? Could she be a chero?

Spoiler alert coming…. Turns out there’s no mention whatsoever of a spouse or offspring in her bio. At first I was surprised because including family details is the norm, but then I got to thinking: This is the way it should be. A professional bio should be about a woman’s—or a man’s—professional experience and achievements. Period. Is she? Isn’t she? Doesn’t matter!

This makes it possible for us to appreciate all phenomenal people for who they are and what they do, and I celebrate this.

P.S. Twete also notes that there is some serious girl power going on since Pierson will be reporting to Janet Napolitano, head of Homeland Security. Janet Napolitano, by the way—chero! Go, team!

 

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

 

It Got Me Thinking…About Hitting a Few Balls

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

I have a new passion in life: golf! A gift card to a local driving range was among last year’s Christmas presents, and I’ve gone out and hit a few buckets worth in recent weeks. Here are a few things I love about my new sport:

  • You don’t have to be particularly fit or strong.
  • You don’t have to be young or fast.
  • You don’t have to be totally coordinated.
  • You don’t see a lot of babies and kids hanging around.
  • PLUS—bonus for our single sisters—it’s mostly men out there!

Turns out I’m not the only childfree woman who has embraced golf. A quick search online reveals that some of the greatest golfers in history are cheros (heros who happen to be childfree)!

Babe Didrickson Zaharias—ESPN named her the 10th Greatest North American Athlete of the 20th Century. Read her full bio here, which includes a mention about how authorities wouldn’t allow her and her husband to adopt a baby. (The FAQs page on her organization’s Website states “They tried to adopt a baby, but the rules were too strict during that time period.”)

Kathy Whitworth—She won an astonishing 88 Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) Tour tournaments during her career, which is more wins than anyone else in the LPGA or the PGA. View her stats here.

Mickey Wright—Wright was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame in 1964. During that period, she won at least one LPGA title in 14 straight seasons, a feat made more impressive by the fact that she retired at 34. Read a recent article about her here.

Even though I have no illusions about being competitive (apparently I’m what’s known on the course as a “duffer,” someone who hits a lot of bad shots), I’m enjoying trying something new—and I’m gaining a new appreciation for the achievements of our cheros. FORE!

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.