As told to Kathleen Guthrie Woods

At 57, Sandra looks back at a journey that has “morphed, though not intentionally” from married to divorced to single and childfree to a role as what she calls a “professional auntie.” She teaches children and helps shape their character development through work that includes guidance in manners and ethics. (Learn more about her Master Keys books and classes here). “I now honor the sacred role of extended family in raising balanced, healthy kids,” she says. Here’s more of her story. 

LWB: Are you childfree by choice, chance, or circumstance?

Sandra:  I’ve been confronted with several of these situations. My marriage dissolved right after we decided it was time to have kids, and at age 39, time ran out.

 

LWB: Describe your dream of motherhood.

Sandra: I work on a staff with a number of Millennials and some Gen X-ers. One of the fellows is a bright, kind, responsible guy. I enjoy his company and like to encourage him in his interests. We chat about the latest NASA projects, historical novels, and music. Recently, at lunch, I watched him studying, and it occurred to me that if I had had a son, I would have hoped he would have been like him. These wistful thoughts reside in a private world of my own.

 

LWB: What’s the hardest part for you about not having children?

Sandra: It’s difficult to not experience so many societal rituals and norms: birthdays, Mother’s Day, graduations, and grandchildren. So many people mark their lives by family events, and that’s just not a reality in my life. One feels like they are on the outside looking in.

 

LWB: What’s the best part about not having children?

Sandra: I have a level of freedom and spontaneity that few women enjoy. I am extremely productive and creative, and I continue to develop personal interests. I’ve also cultivated a large group of close friendships. As a teacher, I’m 100% available to the students, which allows me to profoundly engage with them. The experience of teaching is then personally rewarding. My world does not revolve around homelife.

 

LWB: What have you learned about yourself?

Sandra: The role of an Auntie is as necessary as the primary caregiver, and I have been able to shape the upbringing of many children. This is deeply satisfying and softens the wound of not having reared my own.

 

LWB: What do you look forward to now?

Sandra: I look forward to releasing my children’s book series and helping to shape the next generation’s emotional intelligence. There is a deep satisfaction in sparking their potential, and I get to participate on my own terms without the resentment of unfulfilled personal dreams that many mothers privately feel.

 

LWB: How do you answer “Do you have kids?”

Sandra: I tell them I have many children; I’m a teacher.

 

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Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.