Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayI’m currently enjoying a journey into menopause. Yeah, it’s a hoot. All the symptoms of PMS, plus fuzzy head, weight gain, night sweats, the works.

I’ve been reaching out to older friends for advice because there’s a lot about this I don’t know. Most of my friends have gladly offered support, however one woman (a friend of a friend) looked at me and said, “Menopause? You’re too young for that.”

I assured her I was not, and left the conversation, but really, is that a helpful thing to say? Yes, I know I’m too young for menopause. Add it to the list of things my body’s given up before its time. And then ask me how I feel about the possibility the rest of me might be aging faster than it should too. Does this ever end?

As you may have guessed, it’s Whiny Wednesday. I feel better for my venting. Hope you feel better for yours.

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayMy whine today is that, yesterday in the middle of the day, I realized I had completely forgotten to do a Whiny Wednesday post!

I quickly dashed one out and was about to post it when I realized: It’s only Tuesday.

I seriously think it’s time to take a long look at my commitments and say farewell to a couple of things (not this site, of course.) Think I’ll start with housework. 😉

So, despite my total confusion, today IS Whiny Wednesday. (It’s also my 10-year wedding anniversary, which I did NOT forget, thank goodness.)

What’s your whine today?

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayYesterday, I put my mum on a plane and sent her home to the UK. After a five-week visit, it’s always a bittersweet farewell.

I have my office back and I can get back to writing without interruption. I have no one I need to worry about or entertain or feed, except myself, Mr. Fab, and my cat. But I miss her already and I don’t know when I’ll see her next, so my whine today is that I wish I hadn’t chosen to live quite so far away.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s bothering you today?

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayAloha!

It’s Whiny Wednesday, the day for grumbling and griping about whatever’s on your mind.

I, however, am in Hawaii with my mum, so I have absolutely nothing to whine about.

But please, don’t let my Aloha spirit wreck your Whiny Wednesday.

Whine on, my friends.

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayThis is week I have a number of whines, none of which I’m willing to verbalize on a public forum, because they all involve people I know and like, and would hate to hurt. (Sometimes I wish I blogged anonymously, though.)

But, it is Whiny Wednesday and your chance to vent, so go for it. And just know that I’m stomping and venting to myself over here, too.

Cooking for Two

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Here’s how I know I was supposed to have kids:

I am totally unable to cook for only two people.

Even though I was one person for a long time and my family has been two for over a decade, I still cook for a family of five. There are always leftovers in my fridge and I often turn the remnants of one meal into something different.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in a family of five and learned to cook for five that I can’t seem to downsize my portions. Or maybe there’s just a part of me that’s pure old-fashioned mother and wants to feed everyone. “Eat, eat! How are you going to grow big if you don’t eat?”

Well, Mr. Fab and I are growing big on my cooking, and now that my mother is visiting, I’ll be fattening her up to.

Do you have a maternal instinct that you can’t seem to shake off?

Happy New Year 2014

2014 aOn this, the first day of a brand new year, I’m sending good wishes your way.

I hope this year will be good to you, that it brings you peace, good health, and happiness. And if it throws in a little success and prosperity, even better.

I look forward to spending time with you here next year, to making new friends, and cheering on old ones. I hope you’ll meet some new people here, too, and know that, wherever you are on your journey, you’re not walking your path alone.

For those of you who’ve just about had enough of my sappy holiday messages, you’ll be glad to know that Whiny Wednesday will be back next week, so I hope you’ve saved up all your holiday gripes.

For now, I wish you all a very happy New Year.

~ Lisa

All I Want for 2014 is…

2014This is absolutely my favorite time of year. The madness (and sometimes, sadness) of the holidays is behind us and it’s time to look forward to a brand new year.

I love the New Year. I love making plans, taking a little time to do some walking and dreaming, creating a picture of what I want my life to look like the following year. I always set some pretty lofty goals and sometimes I even reach them! But the thrill for me is not in checking accomplishments off my list (although I enjoy that, too) but in taking a deep breath and realigning my life to how I’d like it to be.

Among the cards I received over the holidays were a several (I was surprised how many) photo cards from friends who are also childfree. I really enjoyed seeing their adventures and travels, and although I’ll admit to a touch of envy, I was also glad to see photographic evidence that these women had worked their way through their loss and grief and were living life to the fullest again. Their photos also prompted me to move some of my old passions (travel and hiking, for example) higher up my list next year.

If you’re in the thick of grief, looking ahead to a rosy future can feel impossible, and even when the healing begins, you can sometimes find that you’ve lost touch with who you really are and who you’d like to be again.

One of the most encouraging weeks during last year’s Road Map to Healing workshop was after we’d discussed the topic of finding yourself again. So many participants said they’d pushed aside old passions during the baby quest, and it was so fun to see all the amazing things people had once loved to do that were about to be dusted off again. Some people loved singing, reading, writing, traveling, even trampolining. Their ideas made me think about bringing some of my own former hobbies back into my life again. I’d like to encourage you to do the same.

If you’re thinking there’s no way you’re getting on a pair of rollerskates again, I suggest thinking about how your old favorite hobby made you feel; what was it about rollerskating (for example) that you loved so much. Is there a way to recreate those old feelings in a new hobby? If your rollerskates gave you freedom and if you loved the feel of the wind in your hair, can you get that by riding a bike or taking a long drive with the windows open?

As we step into this brand new year, I encourage you to think about the “you” that got lost and to look for ways to find her again.

If you’re still in the early stages of coming-to-terms and struggling to even keep moving forward some days, let alone think about having fun, consider joining me on the next Road Map to Healing later in January. The program is free and offers plenty of tools to work through some of the most difficult sticking points. If you’re not already on the mailing list, you can sign up here to receive more information when the program begins.

It Got Me Thinking…About Family Recipes

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

I’m reading a story in the current edition of the Penzeys catalogue (learn more about the company and their spices here) about passing family heritage and traditions to new generations through cooking and baking together. Ethnic flavors, techniques, recipes, and stories get shared from grandmother to mother to daughter, and I’m again reminded of how much I miss being part of this cycle of love as I—as in holiday seasons past—am the lone cook at the counter.

Friends have suggested that I can mentor a niece or nephew, but robbing my sister or sisters-in-law of that privilege is unimaginable to me. So I cook for myself and my husband, I bake for parties and gifts, and I share recipes with friends. I try to not dwell on what I’m missing out on as I mimic my mother’s safe technique for chopping nuts and hear my grandmother’s voice in my heart as I carefully fold those nuts into hot fudge.

Although I don’t have a daughter to share with, I have you! So I am breaking tradition (but not breaking any family laws) and sharing with you the one recipe that says “Christmas” to me. As far back as I can remember, Gram’s Coffee Cake has been served on Christmas morning, alongside an egg-and-sausage casserole (a once-a-year “treat” for the arteries) and half-domes of grapefruit.

I don’t know the origins, I don’t own the copyright (and family members have published it in fund-raising cookbooks in the past), but I do know that Gram made adjustments over the years. If you share it with your family and friends, I ask that you give credit to my grandmother by retaining the title.

 

Gram Guthrie’s Coffee Cake

  • ½ cup shortening (plus extra for greasing the baking pan)
  • 1 tsp. vanilla (speaking of Penzey’s, they have an amazing selection of vanillas)
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 cups sifted flour
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 cup sour cream

Filling:

  • 9 Tbsp. butter, softened
  • 1 ½ cups brown sugar, packed
  • 1 Tbsp. cinnamon
  • 1 ½ cups chopped walnuts

 

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  2. Cream shortening, sugar, and vanilla thoroughly. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and baking soda. Add some of the flour mixture to the creamed mixture alternately with sour cream, blending after each addition.
  3. Prepare the filling in a separate bowl. Cream softened butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon well. Stir in nuts. Set aside.
  4. Grease a 10-inch tube pan and line bottom with waxed paper. Turn half of batter into the pan. Dot the batter with half of the filling. Cover with the remaining batter and then dot with remaining filling.
  5. Bake at 350 degrees F for 50 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

Serve warm or at room temp. The cake can be prepared beforehand and reheated for serving.

I’d love to hear about the one family recipe that says “holidays” to you. And if you’d like, share the actual recipe with all of us in the comments.

Happy baking…and happy holidays!

Christmas morning doesn’t have to be Christmas mourning! Life Without Baby Holiday Companion offers inspiration and encouragement for getting through the season. Available here on our site and on Amazon—now just $4.95.

Whiny Wednesday: Holiday Blues

Whiny_WednesdayMr. Fab and I had a lovely quiet Thanksgiving, just the two of us.

We watched Home for the Holidays as a reminder of what’s good about not having to do the “family thing.”

But now we’ve turned the corner into December and I’m feeling my first pangs of the holiday blues. There are so many things that I wish were part of my festive season, like hand-delivering gifts to my family, shopping for small children, and having the kind of Christmas I had as a child.

But, I’m taking my own advice. I’m focusing on the good stuff, making plans to do festive activities, and creating new traditions suitable for a family of two.

But, boy, it’s not always easy is it?

It’s Whiny Wednesday. What are you struggling with today?