Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About the Diaper Debate

By Kathleen Guthrie Woods

Girl ThinkingA friend posted this article (you don’t need to read it) on Facebook about the huge environmental impact of using disposable diapers. Stats indicate that the average baby will use 6,500-10,000 diapers, and in the United States that translates to 7.6 billion pounds of nonbiodegradable garbage a year!

The point of the article is to encourage parents to use cloth diapers, and the photo below was included…

diapers-300x196

…and it got me thinking…shouldn’t there be a third display, the one representing childfree people that is sparkling clean and empty?

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is wrapping up her memoir about being a temporary single mommy and how it helped her come to terms with being childfree.

 

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayLast week I was checking out the stats on this blog and noticed a series of periodic spikes in visitors. When I dug a little deeper, I discovered that each spike coincided with Whiny Wednesday! I guess we all need a place to gripe now and then.

So, again, it’s Whiny Wednesday. If you have something on your mind, please share it here. I promise you, you won’t be alone!

It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier (Cont.)

By Kathleen Guthrie Woods

“According to one of the biggest studies ever conducted into Britain’s relationships, childless couples have happier marriages.”

An article in The Telegraph highlights some of the findings of research conducted by the Open University (read the article here), and while I can’t offer any scientific facts of my own, I will say that I agree with the overall assessment.

Sometimes when people ask me why I don’t have children, I’m tempted to answer “Because I love my husband.” I’m sure that would ruffle feathers and incite all sorts of unwelcomed advice, but there’s truth in this statement. I love being able to focus all of my attention on him. I love taking care of him, making his favorite meals, and joining him in athletic activities we both enjoy. I love that on weekends we run errands and attend events together instead of going in opposite directions as we shuttle kids to their activities. I love that when he’s going through tough personal or professional challenges, I can devote my energy to supporting him. We are not divided or distracted by the needs of kids, and I think our relationship is stronger because of it.

On the flip side, we also had to endure some unhappiness about not having kids to get to this point, so I’m not sure how I would have answered had my family plans worked out as I’d planned. Maybe the answer is that we have to define and create are own brands of happiness, no matter what cards we’re dealt.

What do you think?

For more discussion on this topic, read the post “It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier” from December 2012.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayDuring the recent Polar Vortex that hit much of North America, I went for a walk at the beach. In a t-shirt. And broke a sweat.

There are many things to grumble about when you live in California—the traffic, the air quality, the lack of trees—but the weather isn’t one of them.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. I’m feeling pretty lucky this week. How about you? If there’s something on your chest, now’s the time to get it off.

It Got Me Thinking…About A Different Spin

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

“Why don’t you like children?” “What are you waiting for?” “It’s not too late. I heard about a woman who was 46 and….”

I’ve heard so many variations on a theme, but this is the first time I’ve heard “Thank you” for choosing not to have children, with a long list of positive reasons.

Writer Abby Rosmarin works in childcare and has this to say about women who choose to be childfree (her post is published on Thought Catalog). I especially like and am encouraged by her line, “…you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.”

This isn’t for everyone. But for those of us who made a choice—and for those of us who ultimately made a choice to stop the madness—I offer her kind perspective.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.

 

Fear Not!

angelBy Nicole Hasenpflug         

My childhood Sunday school class had many boys, but only two girls: one petite, doe-eyed child…and me.  It was no surprise when, for the few years we were Christmas-pageant-aged, the other girl was chosen to portray Mary…every single time.  Too tall and awkward to be the mother of Jesus, I was the angel—also every single time.  I really wanted to have a turn at being Mary, but I did my best as the angel anyway.  I had the lines down from the first year, starting with, “Fear not! For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy…”

On my bad days—and at this time of year there are a few—I’m sometimes bitter about the fact that I never even made the cut to play a mother in a church pageant.  “Mary” grew up to be a wonderful person and the mother of three adorable boys.  I don’t get to do that.  Always the messenger, never the mom.

On other days I think about my opening line: “Fear not.”  I chose my path as a teacher when I was still young enough for the tinsel halo, and I am now in my eighteenth year of teaching, in a school with many students in poverty and other tough situations. I spend a surprising amount of time saying, “Fear not,” or some variation, and then working to find ways to back what I’ve said and provide a bit of comfort, when often there is no easy fix.

I’ll never be a Mary, and I’m certainly not an angel, but delivering good news (and, once in a while, tidings of great joy) is a role I can grow into.

Nicole Hasenpflug has many adolescent musicians in her life—just not (usually) in her house.  She shares her home with her amazing husband and their two bunnies.

It Got Me Thinking…About When Life Gets Funny

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

Earlier this week I received a lovely invitation to an “Egg Meets Sperm Networking Mixer.”

What the fruitcake?!

Perhaps it came to my mailbox because someone (or some program) noticed that I write a lot about “babies” and “being childfree” and determined this would be the perfect event for me. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the event was being hosted by one of the many LGBT organizations I support, and it was intended for gay couples who are exploring their options in adoption, surrogacy, and IVF.

But before I could think through any of this, I reacted by throwing back my head and laughing out loud at the absurdity of it all. Oh, my crazy, mixed-up, outrageously funny life!

As the days passed, I found myself still chuckling as I replayed this in my head, and it dawned on me how far I have come in the past three years. If I had received this invitation earlier in my journey, it might have brought on tears, a grand pity party, or a fit of anger at the unintentional cruelties that served to remind me of my losses and lacks.

The primary reason I can sit here today and laugh about it is because I have been able to heal. And the primary reason I have been able to heal is because I’ve been allowed to grieve, share, commiserate, and celebrate with the amazing community of compassionate women I’ve encountered through LifeWithoutBaby.

If you’ve been a part of LWB for a while, thank you for being a blessing in my journey. I am so grateful to you for your openness and support. If you are new to LWB, stick with it. I know today may be a difficult day for you—I’ve been there. I also know that better days are ahead. You will heal, you will move forward, and you will laugh again.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.

It Got Me Thinking…About Parental Complaints

During August, as I enjoy some travel time, I’m sharing some of my favorite and your favorite posts from the past year. I’ll look forward to seeing you again in September. ~Lisa  

Today’s post was originally run on 2/19/13

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

“I have to spend all day Saturday at soccer games. Gag!”

“I hate wasting weekends at my kid’s swim meets.”

“Wanna trade places with me?”

I’ve heard every variation of the above from friends who for whatever reason think it’s okay to complain to me about the “burdens” of being a parent. My responses have ranged from “Sounds like fun to me!” to “Dogs are so the way to go.” to “I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.”

I don’t use that last one very often because it pretty much shuts down the conversation, but when I do, I hope it makes them think. It’s bad enough that this person is complaining about something s/he had to know about before signing up for the whole parental gig, and don’t even get me started if this ding-dong complains in front of their sweet child. Most of all, I wish they’d think for a moment about their chosen audience: childfree-not-by-choice woman who loves kids.

I loved playing sports as a kid, I was thrilled when my parents were on the sidelines cheering me on, I have great memories of those years, and I looked forward to the day when I could create similar memories with children of my own. Girl Scout leader, Team Mom, 3rd base coach—I woulda been all over it!

Maybe I don’t understand because I’m not a busy mom, but I do understand how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of a busy mom’s thoughtless complaints.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

Whiny Wednesday: Small Talk

During August, as I enjoy some travel time, I’m sharing some of my favorite and your favorite posts from the past year. I’ll look forward to seeing you again in September. ~Lisa  

Today’s post was originally run on  9/26/12

Whiny_WednesdayYesterday I accompanied my friend as she underwent a very unpleasant test for a big, scary health issue. My friend is a lot like me: she has no children and her family is many miles away. No one should go through something like this alone, so I volunteered to be, what she good-naturedly called, her “Biopsy Buddy.”

I’m sure the medical center staff has been highly trained in putting nervous patients at ease, and the nurse who prepped my friend for her procedure did a good job of making safe small-talk. Unfortunately, she latched onto the topic of Halloween, her big plans to go to Disneyland for the evening, and the problems of trying to find a Halloween costume to fit a 7-year-old with extra-long legs. If she was looking to get a conversation started to ease the tension, she picked the wrong, darn subject.

I don’t blame her for going with what she assumed to be a safe bet. I just wish the topic of children wasn’t always the go-to conversation starter.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. What do you wish was different today?