By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
There’s something about preparing a meal together that opens people up. You catch up on each other’s day, you share memories, you think about the person who first taught you how to level a measuring cup, test a strand of spaghetti, or chop onions without chopping off a finger. All those little moments come together in an emotional vortex when you’re sharing counter space with generations of loved ones and preparing a feast for a holiday meal.
I love the presents, decorations, music, and traditions of the holiday season as much as anyone, but what I miss the most as a childfree woman is the kitchen fun. As a family of two (and as a family of one until my early 40s), we don’t need six side dishes, two gravies, and a trio of pies. Even if we’re invited to join other family members or friends, I may be asked to bring an item, but I probably won’t be invited to spend the day in the kitchen.
Some women complain about the hours, if not days, spent shopping and preparing for an elaborate meal that will be gulfed down during halftime. I’m not one of them. I’d love to be included. I’d love to—even if it was just for that one day—feel like I was part of a big family again.
Just in time for the not always happy holidays, Lisa Manterfield and Kathleen Guthrie Woods have released Life Without Baby Holiday Companion, a collection of classic blog posts that offer inspiration and encouragement for getting through the season when you’re childfree. Order your copy here.
We don’t need large meals either but…..I do it anyway. :/ Sometimes doing those things that seem to be set aside for larger families helps me fill the void. I feel like I’m not missing out as much.
I’m with Jenny: I do it anyway. What I really would love is to get all my friends together for Thanksgiving and cook for them like I used to. Having a full house of people to cook for is so great to me. My friends all have their own families now, though, and the ones who don’t have kids can afford to go home to their parents and siblings, unlike when we were young. So I prepare enough food for an army just for myself and the husband, because it makes me happy and doesn’t feel empty and sad.
This is the first year I’ve really felt this. My husband and I have always been a part of a military family. Friends and neighbors cook and we all cram into a friends house and set out a feast with a checklist and more items than any of us could eat. This is the first time we’ve gone to a relatives for Thanksgiving. I was told I didn’t have to make anything. In fact, when I suggested items they flat out turned me down. I’m used to cooking for 2 days to get everything prepped and ready. They decided I just had to show up after driving into town to visit. The food was good but I was really missing that routine. That bugged me a bit even after I told them how much I like to cook and help in the kitchen. But it was nice to see family. I haven’t spent Thanksgiving with family in 11 years. Maybe I should have just enjoyed being the one sitting on the couch wondering when we get to eat. Somehow it really ended up feeling like I was more removed from the family because I wasn’t cooking with all the other women in the family.