Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About Prepping the Feast

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

There’s something about preparing a meal together that opens people up. You catch up on each other’s day, you share memories, you think about the person who first taught you how to level a measuring cup, test a strand of spaghetti, or chop onions without chopping off a finger. All those little moments come together in an emotional vortex when you’re sharing counter space with generations of loved ones and preparing a feast for a holiday meal.

I love the presents, decorations, music, and traditions of the holiday season as much as anyone, but what I miss the most as a childfree woman is the kitchen fun. As a family of two (and as a family of one until my early 40s), we don’t need six side dishes, two gravies, and a trio of pies. Even if we’re invited to join other family members or friends, I may be asked to bring an item, but I probably won’t be invited to spend the day in the kitchen.

Some women complain about the hours, if not days, spent shopping and preparing for an elaborate meal that will be gulfed down during halftime. I’m not one of them. I’d love to be included. I’d love to—even if it was just for that one day—feel like I was part of a big family again.

 

Just in time for the not always happy holidays, Lisa Manterfield and Kathleen Guthrie Woods have released Life Without Baby Holiday Companion, a collection of classic blog posts that offer inspiration and encouragement for getting through the season when you’re childfree. Order your copy here.

It Got Me Thinking…About “All Saints Day”

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

Today in my corner of the world is All Saints’ Day. It’s not one of the so-called Hallmark holidays, or one of those we group into The Holiday Season, but it has its place. Different rituals are performed, depending upon your faith, and some of those rituals are based on ancient traditions that center around appeasing the “malevolent and restless spirits” of the recently departed. I mostly think of it as a day of remembrance, a day when I light a candle, cry a few tears, and offer up prayers of thanksgiving in memory of friends and family members.

In the past 10 months, we’ve lost some notable cheros (heros who happen to be childfree) including revered actor Richard Griffiths (perhaps most widely known as Harry Potter’s Uncle Vernon), Muriel Siebert (the first woman to buy a seat on the New York Stock Exchange), and Helen Thomas (a news correspondent who covered the White House from the Eisenhower to the Obama administrations). Closer to home, I lost a chero who had been part of my life for 20+ years (read my post about her here), and I’ve supported friends as they’ve grieved the passings of parents and siblings.

I think there’s more to this day, though, especially for those of us who are childfree not by choice. Some of us are grieving the heartbreaking losses brought on by failed IVF procedures and miscarriages. All of us our grieving the losses of long-held dreams. While I won’t try to sugarcoat our very real pain, I would like to suggest that today is a good day to start letting them go. I plan to light a candle, sit in prayer, and try to release some of the restless spirits that I’ve carried with me for so long. I don’t expect my world to change overnight, but I do hope to experience a little more acceptance and maybe even some grace.

I wish peace, acceptance, and grace for you too, dear sisters.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.