As I settle into the New Year, I’m thinking about my upcoming (and some overdue) health check-ups—teeth, eyes, and, of course, the annual visit to my OB/GYN. The latter prompted this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
OB/GYN office walls plastered with baby photos
Given that this is so often the first of many stops on the fertility trail, and given that so many of us don’t have children, but wanted them, doesn’t this seem a tad insensitive?
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s under your skin this week?
When I was first learning about my infertility, I had three specialists – I saw each one just once, before she left on mat leave. I was devastated – here I was learning I might never have children, and the doctors I keep getting are popping them out like it’s nobodies business (I know, I know, I DON’T know their story so I shouldn’t judge). When the third one went on mat leave, I called my GP and requested I get a doctor who wouldn’t, under any circumstances, go on mat leave. I got a young, fresh out of school, handsome male and while I had my reservations at bearing it all in front of him – he turned out to be the best doctor I have ever had.
Seriously…if you’re there for infertility, how about NOT a pregnant-about-to-burst young woman? As if the baby photos every where, and the waiting room full of mamas-to-be weren’t enough….
Funny, I just posted this in a blog entry of my own about things I don’t miss about trying to conceive. Going to the OBGYN or reproductive specialist’s offices began to make me sad as time went on, and I even felt offended that they felt the need to do this (but also realize it’s a sales tactic). I imagined a woman coming in for an appointment after a loss, staring at all of those faces, waiting to talk about why their baby did not survive.
They show all of these babies/success stories – baby pictures collaged all over the doctor’s office, a video screen with a slideshow of baby pictures in the waiting area. I wanted to be able to send them my baby’s photo and share my success story. Where’s my success story?
My OBGYN, which I love (don’t get me wrong) has a several pictures of an actual child birth including very happy new Mom, extremely happy new father and newborn baby.
Really cute picture !
My previous OBGYN had in their waiting room pictures of the Doctors’ group with their kids.
Allow me to vent and this is the first time that I say this: why not me?
Thank you and as always I keep you in my prayers.
As if the success photos aren’t bad enough my ob gyn keeps pushing false hope and/or adoption.
Yeah .. My OB GYN asked me if I would consider adopting .. like seriously? just speechless.
At least in the UK you are only called for these appointments every three years and its specifically for a smear test – I loath them, my last was unbearable, it upset me for weeks afterwards. This year I will have the following lined up before the nurse even opens her mouth “pleased to meet you, I know I am retro-inverted and its very difficult to get a good test result so please be gentle and careful. I have suffered with the disease of infertility all my life – I have put my faith in Science and miracles for 20 years and have suffered 6 failed IVFs, a miscarriage and more recently an emergency operation for an ectopic pregnancy. My motherhood journey has now ended so please keep any story of pregnancy, birth, and children firmly to yourself – thank you” – I hope I can get this out in a nice quite and calm voice when the time is required!
Just thinking – I might write this out and hand it over on a prompt card! thanks – that felt surprisingly good to get this out……
Ha, Jane! Great idea… and big hugs!
Thanks Misty for your response – really appreciated x
My favorite (NOT) was my visit to the OB/GYN whose exam room office had a cutaway anatomical diagram of a baby in the womb.
I was there because I had had a hysterectomy and was having serious issues with hormonal imbalances and depression (because of not being able to have children and because of my body being seriously out of wack.)
Let’s add all the pregnancy, parenting and children-related magazines in the wait in room.
And all those pregnant women in the waiting room….
Still praying. ♥
OB/GYN office walls plastered with baby photos – just to confirm that they are everywhere, also in central Europe.
Even many years after giving up the dream of being a mother, those photos still hurt 🙁
This is the first time I’ve visited your blog and would like to congratulate you. I’ve been through ‘treatment’ or the past 8 years and it’s hard but most significantly, it’s lonely. I thank you for being honest, for sharing your story and for being a champion of something that shouldn’t be a guilty secret.
In relation specifically to this post when we were going through IVF there as a poster on the wall which read “What is more painful than childbirth? Infertility”. What amazing sensitivity and I would put money on the ‘designer’ never having being in the position to have to read that and stop the tears and torment.
Thank you once again.
Great blog.
My last experience in the Ob/gyn office was brutal.I dread going in there God I hate it. Seeing a room full of waddling pregnant women. I mean everyone that walked in was pregnant. Other women pushing infants in strollers. It felt like having teeth pulled.I was holding back tears, I felt inferior. I went in for pelvic pain and missed class that day. So I needed a doctors note. When I read the note. It said I was under the doctors care for pregnancy. My heart stopped completely tears ran. I was furious and devastated. But I kept walking.. I was too hurt and embarrassedd to have her change it. What hurt is that how they automatically assume all women are in the office. Just for pregnancy like I’m still a woman with a vagina. I felt awful and never want to go back. I do my paps in my primary care office. I hate it because. They goes some educated gynos. But even sometimes they act like, I got no right to be in the office. Since I’m not knocked up.
Sorry you had to go through that .. I found it so rude that my GYN left me in the middle of my appointment and made me wait 30-45 mins for her and when she came back she said “sorry i was meeting with my pregnant patient and those are easy consults” I was so furious inside like my time is not valuable
I have actually talked with my doctor at the Ob office and again at the fertility office, I even suggested having support literature from Resolve or other infertility support pamphlets for the rest of us. Low and behold, no changes made. I know it is written g, but I have zero intention of walking into another Ob/gyn office for as long as I live. I am going to roll the dice with my physical health and keep my mental health.
Wonderful post Michelle – the thought crossed my mind yesterday after I left my previous post that actually what about if I didn’t go for my smear test this time round and took my chances with the physical health……….
Good on you for raising it with them – a shame they didn’t follow up on your excellent suggestion. Do take care with your physical health too, though.
While I love my dr, her new office is always tough. Seems no matter when I go it’s a ton of pg women in the waiting room, baby pictures and signs all over for pg and baby classes. Luckily my dr always remembers me and my background, I always worry that the nurse won’t read my chart fully. Have had that happen in the past when I was in for a follow up after my ectopic and all the nurse read quick was that I had twins the previous year and was pg, not about the ectopic or that while I went through labor and delivery with twins I lost them, so the nurse asks me wow, having another baby already.
Oh Jenn, that is really tough. I hope the nurse learned an important lesson that day. I’m sorry you experienced that.
Oh yes, you get these in NZ too. Argh. I have been thinking (for some time now – procrastination!) of starting a letter-writing campaign. Because I am pretty sure that the distress they cause must surely outweigh the pleasure they give.
my colleague and I volunteered for an extra task – organizing written admission exams. It means we are each sitting now on 65 exposes which should be marked and evaluated asap. While the exams in spring and fall take place before the school holidays that’s allright – we can each spend some days of the holidays for this (we get paid for it too!). but in january, there is a lot else going on, so it’s tough.
So he said yesterday: Omg when are we going to evaluate all of these? I said – only half ironically – “best start tomorrow (sunday)”. He: “I have children!!” Ok he then made it “I have THE kids tomorrow” – apparently he is divorced – but still: Does he think I as a childless person, have nothing better to do on a sunday than marking exams?
Over here it’s mostly GPs that do the pap smears and routine checks. If something unusual is found, then you get referred to an OB/GYN. I remember the walls being plastered with photos on our visits during fertility treatment. I’m thankful those visits are well in my past now.
OMG yes! it’s like the posters and pics just mock us and taunt us! so insensitive .. like no one in the office really understands either .. then they refer us to a fertility specialist .. sigh the things we have to deal with