By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
I should know better. After all these years of seeking advice and giving advice, I should be better able to maneuver through triggering holidays with some grace.
I started Easter Sunday out strong. Instead of subjecting myself to a family-focused church service, I observed the holy day by talking a long walk in a glorious park, what my grandmother called “God’s church.” I avoided brunches in places where I was likely to be surrounded by more happy family gatherings. My husband, dog, and I enjoyed a quiet and reflective day.
Until I turned on Facebook. Egg hunts, colorful baskets overflowing with sweet treats, the Easter Bunny at the mall, proud grandparents, church pews filled with generations of family members, little darlings all dressed up in spring finery. I was crushed as I scrolled through the images of things I’ll never enjoy.
The mother of all holidays is upon us in the United States this week. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to take a break from social media in the days leading up to it and the days following. Please, don’t test yourself, don’t torture yourself.
If it’s an especially tough day for you this year, check in here at LWB and reach out to others on one of the Forums under Community (you’ll need to sign in). Read older blog posts for inspiration and encouragement. Most of all, be gentle with yourself.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
i totally agree with taking a break from social media, with the exception of watching the “Dog Mom Anthem” on You Tube. The best lines are in the chorus:
“When you’re a dog mom, this is what you do
Cause they say you’re not my baby and I know it ain’t true”
I will be at church this Sunday celebrating the memory of my deceased biological mother and grandmothers. I will also be celebrating the Blessed Mother, Mary, my spiritual mother, as well as my own status as a spiritual mother to the children God has given me. So grateful for the gifts I received to make it through all the sadness into the light. Thank you, Lisa, Kathleen and Life Without Baby community for your support!
I have got to look that up! Thanks, Dorothy. Enjoy your beautiful and blessed celebration on Sunday.
Going to look up that video. Hope you have a good weekend.
Kathleen; great suggestions !!! I am not on Facebook anyway. Have a blessed weekend, all of us !!!!!
Friends cannot believe I am NOT on Facebook. Why would I subject myself to others’ realities when my dream will never come true? The grocery checkout magazines and our general baby lust culture are all the triggers I can handle.
I ran across a high friend on facebook recently. I didnt think she ever got married, let alone have kids. Nope! She has 2 beautiful teenagers. I fell into a couple-day depression. Because of that I just disabled my Facebook account. It’s been 4 days and I must say I’m happier. Next step is to permanently delete it. Good bye!!!
I had to come off facebook myself as all it achieved going on there that was that it upset me and made me feel I was missing out.
You wont do that again go on there at holiday periods as its not worth it if all it does is upset you.
Every now and then I wish I could quit facebook/instagram and other socia media but something keeps pulling me back as if i am missing out .. yet when i look at people who are pregnant or have kids, it burns .. as you stated, I need to stop testing myself when I “think” i can handle it but i end up getting depressed every time im on their and it ruins my day
& to make matters worse .. my 14 year old niece called me yesterday to say she’s applying for her first job/volunteering at some summer camp to help out or something and she put me down as a reference. That reference was: she babysat my make believe 3 kids: ages 8, 6 & 4, so if the employer calls, i should just play along .. are you kidding me?! Not 1 kid but THREE?! I know she is naive to the fact that i am hurting inside because I am NOT A MOTHER and I never even got 1 positive pregnancy test but her parents should bring some awareness (i can’t blame her at this age) I just feel sometimes that the universe is conspiring against me at times to make me feel worse about my situation.
That is just…I’m speechless, Almira. Why would she make something like that up (I mean, I get it, she is trying to show she has experience)? Did she not discuss that with her own parents, first, before making something up???? I’m so sorry. I have a problem with the fact that she is lying about her experience, too, but that is just so inappropriate to do to you!!!
Let me get this straight….she’s asking you to lie to back up a lie on her application? I have to leave that one alone.
More to point, I totally get how you’re feeling, Almira, that “the universe is conspiring against me.” It stinks. When that happens, come hang out at LWB for a while. Visit the Forums, read the comments. You are not alone. xxoo
I have avoided Facebook from time to time during my infertility struggle, especially during those social media holiday frenzies and also during the election, only to be sucked back in by the fact that I’ve isolated myself from everyone and it’s really the only way I keep up with what is going on in my friends’ lives. I would love to completely leave Facebook, for many reasons, like political crap, general annoying posts by the same old annoying people bragging about where they had lunch that day or what fabulous trip they went on, or what product they are selling, etc., etc. I just know that it’s really the only way I have connections with people (outside of work). I rarely post my own things anymore, but I do go on it frequently just to keep myself updated. But then again, I find myself “hiding” more and more people because I am annoyed by their posts (or also just saw that they are expecting a baby).
Your topic is on point and I am making a conscious effort to avoid Facebook for the next week (if not forever!!!).
Jenn, Facebook is not the only way to keep up with your friends lives. You can have them on Whatsapp and chat with them when you fell up to it and meet them for coffee or whatever. In fact, you might build a relationship with just a few friends but a stronger one…. ¿How did people related to their friends before FB?
I am so tired of being wished a Happy Mother’s Day, I have learned from this site, to smile and say Thankyou then explain. But I definitely do not go on Facebook, during this spcfic holiday. It just makes me feel worse zabout the lack of kids. It also hurts related to the child we Dopted and the birth parents changed their mind. It is hard not to think of him and the what if we were able to keep him. To add to my sadness my father is in the Intesive care unit, and my Mom just told me her Dr. Thinks she has dementia. And this is rounded out by menopause. I am grateful for the things I have learned from this blog, like going to just a GYN and not ob/gyn ., and many other things. But the Facebook social media break especially at holidays is another key to help me handle this better. Hugs and love to this wonderful community.
I can’t wait till this weekend is over. I think I dread this the most out of all the holidays. My birth mother is a terrible person and I was always jealous of people that were close with their moms. I wish I could snap my fingers and have it be Monday.
Just came across this blog. This holiday is very painful and you are right that Facebook and other social media only seem to add to the pain. I am struggling this year as my ex just posted pics of his baby, born today with his new wife. We’ve been separated for years but it still hurts and I am envious. 🙁 And so many people I talk to just don’t understand how it feels to be childless not by choice. I hope everyone finds strength to get through the holiday.
MJ; I understand what you are saying. My ex-husband sent me the announcement and the picture of his new baby boy.
I understand, I really do. You are in my prayers.