Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Guest Blog: Non-Accidental Accidental Pregnancy

By Maybe Lady Liz

Why is it that every pregnancy announcement these days is quickly followed up with the footnote that this was an “accident”? One of my friends called last night with the big news, and I truly was shocked to hear it. She’d been debating for a long time whether or not she even wanted kids and hadn’t come to any kind of conclusion. After delivering the bombshell, she said, “Obviously, this was a total surprise and completely not on purpose.”

So of course, I countered with a question as to what happened to her birth control – you know, that little pill she’d been taking every day of her life since freshman year of college? That’s when I got the “Welllllllllllll….”, followed by a convoluted tale of a change in insurance, a radical increase in cost, a two-month swing where she and her husband just went without and they thought they’d be okay because a doctor once told her she might have trouble getting pregnant someday.

I’m sorry, but that does not an accident make. What’s an accident, you ask? Someone who takes their birth control religiously, at the same time every day, and one still manages to get past the goalie. Someone whose condom breaks and on their way to get the morning-after pill, they’re kidnapped and held for ransom until it’s too late. Someone whose Nuva Ring fell out and somehow, they didn’t notice it. These are accidents. Going off your birth control for two months while still having sex, is not.

I don’t think my friend is a scheming, conniving liar. I think she actually believes, on the surface, that this truly was an accident. But anytime you’re having sex while not taking every precaution to prevent pregnancy, there’s got to be a part of you that understands and accepts the potential consequences. And I’d have to argue that going through with it means that even if it’s just on a subconscious level, you sort of want a baby.

What I can’t figure out is why people are so eager to convince everyone it was an accident. Why can’t they own up to what they want? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a baby. Is it because society has made us feel that becoming a mother should be secondary to having a career? Or that we should have accomplished this laundry list of great achievements and amassed a small fortune in college funds first?

I don’t know, maybe it’s not important. But for some reason, it’s just driving me crazy lately! Is this happening to anyone else, or is it just my delusional friends?

Maybe Lady Liz is blogging her way through the decision of whether to create her own Cheerio-encrusted ankle-biters, or remain Childfree. You can follow her through the ups and downs at www.MaybeBabyMaybeNot.com.

Whiny Wednesday – Free Birth Control

The big debate on yesterday’s morning news show was whether birth control should be considered as preventative care and therefore covered by health insurance.

What?! Are we really having this discussion in the 21st century? Do we really need to go over the long list of ways that providing women with family planning options makes sense socially and fiscally?

The woman brought in to speak against the bill made the case that people who are opposed to birth control for religious reasons shouldn’t be forced to pay for this coverage.

Well, guess what, lady? That’s the whole basis of any type of insurance; you pay for what you hope to never use. Believe me, I hope I never need to use most of what’s covered by my health insurance and I don’t want to use my car insurance or my life insurance either.

Call me old-fashioned, but I believe in supporting services that I may never use. My taxes help pay for schools that I’ll never get to send my children to, but I’m happy to pay to keep other people’s children educated. I no longer need to use birth control to prevent an unexpected pregnancy, but I’m more than happy to do my bit so that others can have that option.

It’s Whiny Wednesday, the sun’s shining right in my window, and I’m hot, cranky, and pissed off about backwards attitudes. What’s on your mind today?

Top 10 Birth Control Alternatives Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About

Not all birth control is pharmaceutical; sometimes the world around us is deterrent enough. Here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at some alternative birth control options that you won’t hear about from your doctor.

10. A week on a Disney Family Cruise

9. Water cooler talk about stretch marks, sleepless night, mucus plugs, sagging boobs, leaky bladders, and expanded feet

8. A cross-country flight sandwiched in the window seat next to a barfy, colicky, whiny, wriggly baby and his clueless mother

7. Diapers and their accompanying aromas

6. Finding $700 a month to put away for college tuition—for each kid

5. Your friend’s “Meet the baby and watch my birth video” party

4. The invention of musical toys

3. Your neighbor’s manipulative, destructive, tantrum-throwing, bad mannered, cat-terrorizing grandchildren

2. Lizzie Borden

1. Kate Gosselin

That’s my top ten. What’s on your list of things that make you thankful you don’t have children, or put you you off ever having them? If you’re a mom reader sneaking in, what’s the biggest surprise that no one warned you about?

Birth Control Comparison

It’s been at least 10 years since I had or needed to have a discussion with my doctor about birth control. Prior to that, I’d more or less stuck with the same method for almost 15 years, so it was something of an education when I found this chart from Women’s Health comparing all the current methods of birth control available. From the descriptions, I interpreted that the Pill is considered temporary birth control for women who plan to get pregnant within 5 years. I don’t recall ever having that discussion with my doctor, but that’s all water under the bridge now.

If you’re reconsidering your current birth control method, this chart might be useful.