Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier (Cont.)

By Kathleen Guthrie Woods

“According to one of the biggest studies ever conducted into Britain’s relationships, childless couples have happier marriages.”

An article in The Telegraph highlights some of the findings of research conducted by the Open University (read the article here), and while I can’t offer any scientific facts of my own, I will say that I agree with the overall assessment.

Sometimes when people ask me why I don’t have children, I’m tempted to answer “Because I love my husband.” I’m sure that would ruffle feathers and incite all sorts of unwelcomed advice, but there’s truth in this statement. I love being able to focus all of my attention on him. I love taking care of him, making his favorite meals, and joining him in athletic activities we both enjoy. I love that on weekends we run errands and attend events together instead of going in opposite directions as we shuttle kids to their activities. I love that when he’s going through tough personal or professional challenges, I can devote my energy to supporting him. We are not divided or distracted by the needs of kids, and I think our relationship is stronger because of it.

On the flip side, we also had to endure some unhappiness about not having kids to get to this point, so I’m not sure how I would have answered had my family plans worked out as I’d planned. Maybe the answer is that we have to define and create are own brands of happiness, no matter what cards we’re dealt.

What do you think?

For more discussion on this topic, read the post “It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier” from December 2012.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayYou may have the Colby wildfire on the news and you may have seen the photo of the smoke cloud visible from space. If you could see underneath that cloud, you’d see me, sitting here with itchy eyes, a stuffed nose, and layer of soot on every flat surface in my house.

I’m very grateful I’m not in any danger from the fire itself, but I’m whining about the air that I’m breathing this week.

It is Whiny Wednesday. What’s got the corners of your frown turning down this week?

It Got Me Thinking…About Womb Transplants

By Kathleen Guthrie Woods

Whiny_WednesdayNine womb-less women in Sweden received transplants from relatives in hopes that they will be able to give birth to their own children.

Premise for a sci-fi blockbuster movie? Nope. True story. You can read the article here.

I read the article with mixed feelings. I felt so sad for the recipients, having a sense of what they’d been through to get to this point. I thought about the ethics and wondered if, maybe, their lack of wombs isn’t part of Nature’s plan for population control (yes, I know that’s not a nice thought, but it’s honest). I wondered who would put themselves through this crazy experimental procedure, then I thought about all of the women I know who would drink, inject, or believe anything in hopes of having their miracle babies. I wondered if I had been in their shoes, if I had the means and opportunity, would I have signed up?

Would you?

Maybe this will be the answer to so many women’s desires to have children, and I hope for the best possible outcome. At the same time, I fear what kind of new baby-making industry (and related scams) might result from success.

I hope women—and their partners—read the fine print and weigh the possible win with the possible side effects and risks: blood clots, high blood pressure, diabetes, some types of cancer, transplant rejection. I also found the closing line of the article chilling: “…there are no guarantees (that the women will have babies)…what is certain is that they are making a contribution to science.”

Both my husband and I had to have surgery in the last six months. We are lucky to be healthy, but I have to tell you, recovery was a bitch. Elective surgery? No way. Possibly sacrifice my health to contribute to science? Um, no. But to maybe have a baby? Maybe.

What do you think?

 

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

 

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayDuring the recent Polar Vortex that hit much of North America, I went for a walk at the beach. In a t-shirt. And broke a sweat.

There are many things to grumble about when you live in California—the traffic, the air quality, the lack of trees—but the weather isn’t one of them.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. I’m feeling pretty lucky this week. How about you? If there’s something on your chest, now’s the time to get it off.

It Got Me Thinking…About A Different Spin

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

“Why don’t you like children?” “What are you waiting for?” “It’s not too late. I heard about a woman who was 46 and….”

I’ve heard so many variations on a theme, but this is the first time I’ve heard “Thank you” for choosing not to have children, with a long list of positive reasons.

Writer Abby Rosmarin works in childcare and has this to say about women who choose to be childfree (her post is published on Thought Catalog). I especially like and am encouraged by her line, “…you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.”

This isn’t for everyone. But for those of us who made a choice—and for those of us who ultimately made a choice to stop the madness—I offer her kind perspective.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.

 

It Got Me Thinking…About Resolving Stuff

ResolutionsBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

As I get ready to embrace a fresh start this January—as I assemble my goals, state my intentions, dream, and plan for the months ahead—I’ve been thinking about how I might resolve some of my issues stemming from my journey to childfreeness, perhaps dissolve the last remnants of grief, and solve the mystery of what a beautiful Plan B might look like for me. Here are some of the tasks on my list:

  • Reconnect with my soul by walking a labyrinth. (Find one near you here.)
  • Talk to women at every level of the childfree path and share their stories on LWB. (More on this later.)
  • Visit various networking groups (for women business owners, crafters, or writers) until I find my local tribe.
  • Take a class in something that tickles my imagination, challenges my brain, and entertains my spirit—and has nothing to do with kids. (I’m exploring healthy cooking for two, French conversation, Taiko drums, and agility training with my two four-legged “kids.”)

There’s room on my list for other ideas, so I’d love to hear what you are planning for 2014.

Happy new year!

 

Freelance writer Kathleen Guthrie Woods feels humbled and privileged to be part of Life Without Baby’s community of extraordinary women. 

Happy New Year 2014

2014 aOn this, the first day of a brand new year, I’m sending good wishes your way.

I hope this year will be good to you, that it brings you peace, good health, and happiness. And if it throws in a little success and prosperity, even better.

I look forward to spending time with you here next year, to making new friends, and cheering on old ones. I hope you’ll meet some new people here, too, and know that, wherever you are on your journey, you’re not walking your path alone.

For those of you who’ve just about had enough of my sappy holiday messages, you’ll be glad to know that Whiny Wednesday will be back next week, so I hope you’ve saved up all your holiday gripes.

For now, I wish you all a very happy New Year.

~ Lisa

All I Want for 2014 is…

2014This is absolutely my favorite time of year. The madness (and sometimes, sadness) of the holidays is behind us and it’s time to look forward to a brand new year.

I love the New Year. I love making plans, taking a little time to do some walking and dreaming, creating a picture of what I want my life to look like the following year. I always set some pretty lofty goals and sometimes I even reach them! But the thrill for me is not in checking accomplishments off my list (although I enjoy that, too) but in taking a deep breath and realigning my life to how I’d like it to be.

Among the cards I received over the holidays were a several (I was surprised how many) photo cards from friends who are also childfree. I really enjoyed seeing their adventures and travels, and although I’ll admit to a touch of envy, I was also glad to see photographic evidence that these women had worked their way through their loss and grief and were living life to the fullest again. Their photos also prompted me to move some of my old passions (travel and hiking, for example) higher up my list next year.

If you’re in the thick of grief, looking ahead to a rosy future can feel impossible, and even when the healing begins, you can sometimes find that you’ve lost touch with who you really are and who you’d like to be again.

One of the most encouraging weeks during last year’s Road Map to Healing workshop was after we’d discussed the topic of finding yourself again. So many participants said they’d pushed aside old passions during the baby quest, and it was so fun to see all the amazing things people had once loved to do that were about to be dusted off again. Some people loved singing, reading, writing, traveling, even trampolining. Their ideas made me think about bringing some of my own former hobbies back into my life again. I’d like to encourage you to do the same.

If you’re thinking there’s no way you’re getting on a pair of rollerskates again, I suggest thinking about how your old favorite hobby made you feel; what was it about rollerskating (for example) that you loved so much. Is there a way to recreate those old feelings in a new hobby? If your rollerskates gave you freedom and if you loved the feel of the wind in your hair, can you get that by riding a bike or taking a long drive with the windows open?

As we step into this brand new year, I encourage you to think about the “you” that got lost and to look for ways to find her again.

If you’re still in the early stages of coming-to-terms and struggling to even keep moving forward some days, let alone think about having fun, consider joining me on the next Road Map to Healing later in January. The program is free and offers plenty of tools to work through some of the most difficult sticking points. If you’re not already on the mailing list, you can sign up here to receive more information when the program begins.

It Got Me Thinking…About Pure Joy

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

This video has absolutely nothing to do with being childfree. Or infertility, miscarriages, lost dreams, Plan B. It just made me smile for two minutes and 49 seconds, and I thought I’d share.

Watch it here.

A bit of background: The song is widely known as the “Cups” song from the movie Pitch Perfect (and if you love all those shows about a cappella singing groups, you’ll love the movie). 1,500 students and staff from a school in Quebec got together to perform this to set a new world record.

As I get ready to say “See ya!” to 2013 and “Welcome!” to 2014, I think we can all use a shot of pure joy, so here’s my contribution to the cause. (Share yours in the Comments.)

Have a safe and happy new year, dear sisters!

It’s not too late to grab your copy of Life Without Baby Holiday Companion, offering inspiration and encouragement for getting through the holidays. The book is available here on our site and on Amazon—and now just $4.95.