Sick of the sight of red and pink yet? Given that I spotted the first Valentine’s Day swag in the stores right after Christmas, I certainly am.
So, Valentines Day: Love it? Hate it?
Today’s Whiny Wednesday and your chance to vent.
Whiny Wednesday
Someone backed their car or truck into mine in the Target parking lot the other week. They scraped my bumper, broke a tail light, and left. No note, no apology, no phone number.
Fortunately for me, a few days later Mr. Fab had a altercation with a concrete post, so the broken light is nothing compared to the giant scrape in my door. Sigh.
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s causing you to shake your head in dismay this week?
It Got Me Thinking…About the Diaper Debate
By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
A friend posted this article (you don’t need to read it) on Facebook about the huge environmental impact of using disposable diapers. Stats indicate that the average baby will use 6,500-10,000 diapers, and in the United States that translates to 7.6 billion pounds of nonbiodegradable garbage a year!
The point of the article is to encourage parents to use cloth diapers, and the photo below was included…
…and it got me thinking…shouldn’t there be a third display, the one representing childfree people that is sparkling clean and empty?
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is wrapping up her memoir about being a temporary single mommy and how it helped her come to terms with being childfree.
Whiny Wednesday
Last week I was checking out the stats on this blog and noticed a series of periodic spikes in visitors. When I dug a little deeper, I discovered that each spike coincided with Whiny Wednesday! I guess we all need a place to gripe now and then.
So, again, it’s Whiny Wednesday. If you have something on your mind, please share it here. I promise you, you won’t be alone!
It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier (Cont.)
By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
“According to one of the biggest studies ever conducted into Britain’s relationships, childless couples have happier marriages.”
An article in The Telegraph highlights some of the findings of research conducted by the Open University (read the article here), and while I can’t offer any scientific facts of my own, I will say that I agree with the overall assessment.
Sometimes when people ask me why I don’t have children, I’m tempted to answer “Because I love my husband.” I’m sure that would ruffle feathers and incite all sorts of unwelcomed advice, but there’s truth in this statement. I love being able to focus all of my attention on him. I love taking care of him, making his favorite meals, and joining him in athletic activities we both enjoy. I love that on weekends we run errands and attend events together instead of going in opposite directions as we shuttle kids to their activities. I love that when he’s going through tough personal or professional challenges, I can devote my energy to supporting him. We are not divided or distracted by the needs of kids, and I think our relationship is stronger because of it.
On the flip side, we also had to endure some unhappiness about not having kids to get to this point, so I’m not sure how I would have answered had my family plans worked out as I’d planned. Maybe the answer is that we have to define and create are own brands of happiness, no matter what cards we’re dealt.
What do you think?
For more discussion on this topic, read the post “It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier” from December 2012.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
It Got Me Thinking…About A Different Spin
By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
“Why don’t you like children?” “What are you waiting for?” “It’s not too late. I heard about a woman who was 46 and….”
I’ve heard so many variations on a theme, but this is the first time I’ve heard “Thank you” for choosing not to have children, with a long list of positive reasons.
Writer Abby Rosmarin works in childcare and has this to say about women who choose to be childfree (her post is published on Thought Catalog). I especially like and am encouraged by her line, “…you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.”
This isn’t for everyone. But for those of us who made a choice—and for those of us who ultimately made a choice to stop the madness—I offer her kind perspective.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.
It Got Me Thinking…About Resolving Stuff
By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
As I get ready to embrace a fresh start this January—as I assemble my goals, state my intentions, dream, and plan for the months ahead—I’ve been thinking about how I might resolve some of my issues stemming from my journey to childfreeness, perhaps dissolve the last remnants of grief, and solve the mystery of what a beautiful Plan B might look like for me. Here are some of the tasks on my list:
- Reconnect with my soul by walking a labyrinth. (Find one near you here.)
- Talk to women at every level of the childfree path and share their stories on LWB. (More on this later.)
- Visit various networking groups (for women business owners, crafters, or writers) until I find my local tribe.
- Read Jody Day’s Rocking the Life Unexpected. (Watch Lisa’s recent interview with the amazing Jody here.)
- Take a class in something that tickles my imagination, challenges my brain, and entertains my spirit—and has nothing to do with kids. (I’m exploring healthy cooking for two, French conversation, Taiko drums, and agility training with my two four-legged “kids.”)
There’s room on my list for other ideas, so I’d love to hear what you are planning for 2014.
Happy new year!
Freelance writer Kathleen Guthrie Woods feels humbled and privileged to be part of Life Without Baby’s community of extraordinary women.
Whiny Wednesday: Turning Around the Question
Why is it that people have no problem asking, “So, why don’t you have kids,” or “How come you don’t like children?” or “Don’t you think not having kids is selfish?”
Could you imagine if mothers were asked the inverse? “So, why do you have kids?” “How come you like children?” or “Don’t you think having kids is selfish?” I wonder how many people would have an answer.
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s your gripe this week?
Childless by Choice, Chance, or Circumstance
When I first began this blog, my mission was to create a safe community for women who don’t have children, “whether by choice, chance, or circumstance.” My intention was to be inclusive, but in some ways, that definition only perpetuates the stereotypes that society puts on us: if you don’t have children you either couldn’t, made lifestyle choices and ran out of time, or chose not to bother.
In reality, it’s never so simple as that.
I am infertile. There is no question that my body wasn’t able to reproduce of its own accord and I am childless by circumstance, but that doesn’t mean that choice and chance didn’t have a hand in it too.
Having children was always my plan for as long as I can remember, but in my teens I chose not to have children by practicing the safe sex tactics that had been drilled into me by sex education programs, friends’ dire warnings, and startling stories in teen magazines—that and a healthy smattering of blind dumb chance.
In my early 20s I chose a career over motherhood; there was a great big world and a great big me to explore before I settled down into the role of mother.
In my early 30s I was ready, but chance worked against me by tempting me with a potential mate who turned out to not want kids. At the time, I didn’t have the means or the guts to do it alone.
Finally, in my mid-30s, I met Mr. Fab and set out to become a mother. But circumstance prevailed and I wasn’t meant to have a child easily or naturally. It wasn’t that I didn’t choose motherhood, more that motherhood didn’t choose me.
So, I had another choice to make. Given medical intervention, sufficient high-powered drugs, enough attempts, and sufficient money to do them all, motherhood might have been an option for me. Given enough time and emotional stamina, adoption might have worked out, too.
But I chose not to keep pursing fertility treatments; I chose not to hire someone to produce a baby for me; and most of all, I chose not to sacrifice my marriage for the sake of an endless quest for motherhood. I made a choice that was right for me, so does that mean I am childless-by-choice?
The problem with labels is that they’re one-size-fits-all. But when it comes to not having children, we really come in all shapes and sizes, don’t we?
What choices did you make on your journey? Do people make assumptions about why you don’t have children?
Pet Parenting
My cat is my baby, and I have countless cell phone photos and cute stories to prove it.
I’m generally hesitant about talking about Felicity as my baby, as people usually look at me as if I’m insane. On more than one occasion, I’ve caught myself listening to someone talk about her child and then heard myself chip in with, “Oh, I get it. My cat…” and regaling her with a comparable pet parent tale.
So, I was very pleased to hear about a recent study that found that dogs become attached to their caregivers in the same way that human infants attach to theirs.
The researchers discovered that animals exhibit the “secure base effect,” which allows them to feel safe in an unfamiliar environment when the caregiver is present. In other words, just like children, dogs feel more comfortable exploring the world and interacting with strangers when their “parent” is around, and a dog will bond with its parent in the same way a child bonds to his or hers.
My experience has been that this behavior is also true of cats.
And while human children eventually grow out of this behavior, our pets don’t. Which means they’ll always be our babies.
