Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Happy New Year 2014

2014 aOn this, the first day of a brand new year, I’m sending good wishes your way.

I hope this year will be good to you, that it brings you peace, good health, and happiness. And if it throws in a little success and prosperity, even better.

I look forward to spending time with you here next year, to making new friends, and cheering on old ones. I hope you’ll meet some new people here, too, and know that, wherever you are on your journey, you’re not walking your path alone.

For those of you who’ve just about had enough of my sappy holiday messages, you’ll be glad to know that Whiny Wednesday will be back next week, so I hope you’ve saved up all your holiday gripes.

For now, I wish you all a very happy New Year.

~ Lisa

It Got Me Thinking…About Pure Joy

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

This video has absolutely nothing to do with being childfree. Or infertility, miscarriages, lost dreams, Plan B. It just made me smile for two minutes and 49 seconds, and I thought I’d share.

Watch it here.

A bit of background: The song is widely known as the “Cups” song from the movie Pitch Perfect (and if you love all those shows about a cappella singing groups, you’ll love the movie). 1,500 students and staff from a school in Quebec got together to perform this to set a new world record.

As I get ready to say “See ya!” to 2013 and “Welcome!” to 2014, I think we can all use a shot of pure joy, so here’s my contribution to the cause. (Share yours in the Comments.)

Have a safe and happy new year, dear sisters!

It’s not too late to grab your copy of Life Without Baby Holiday Companion, offering inspiration and encouragement for getting through the holidays. The book is available here on our site and on Amazon—and now just $4.95.

Merry Christmas

christmasDear Friends,

Although this part of the week is traditionally held open for Whiny Wednesday, in the spirit of the season, I wanted to turn it around and simply wish a Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate and warm holiday wishes to those who don’t.

May this season bring you peace, love, and companionship. And may (most of) your Christmas wishes come true.

Warmest wishes to you.

~Lisa

It Got Me Thinking…About Family Recipes

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

I’m reading a story in the current edition of the Penzeys catalogue (learn more about the company and their spices here) about passing family heritage and traditions to new generations through cooking and baking together. Ethnic flavors, techniques, recipes, and stories get shared from grandmother to mother to daughter, and I’m again reminded of how much I miss being part of this cycle of love as I—as in holiday seasons past—am the lone cook at the counter.

Friends have suggested that I can mentor a niece or nephew, but robbing my sister or sisters-in-law of that privilege is unimaginable to me. So I cook for myself and my husband, I bake for parties and gifts, and I share recipes with friends. I try to not dwell on what I’m missing out on as I mimic my mother’s safe technique for chopping nuts and hear my grandmother’s voice in my heart as I carefully fold those nuts into hot fudge.

Although I don’t have a daughter to share with, I have you! So I am breaking tradition (but not breaking any family laws) and sharing with you the one recipe that says “Christmas” to me. As far back as I can remember, Gram’s Coffee Cake has been served on Christmas morning, alongside an egg-and-sausage casserole (a once-a-year “treat” for the arteries) and half-domes of grapefruit.

I don’t know the origins, I don’t own the copyright (and family members have published it in fund-raising cookbooks in the past), but I do know that Gram made adjustments over the years. If you share it with your family and friends, I ask that you give credit to my grandmother by retaining the title.

 

Gram Guthrie’s Coffee Cake

  • ½ cup shortening (plus extra for greasing the baking pan)
  • 1 tsp. vanilla (speaking of Penzey’s, they have an amazing selection of vanillas)
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 cups sifted flour
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 cup sour cream

Filling:

  • 9 Tbsp. butter, softened
  • 1 ½ cups brown sugar, packed
  • 1 Tbsp. cinnamon
  • 1 ½ cups chopped walnuts

 

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  2. Cream shortening, sugar, and vanilla thoroughly. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and baking soda. Add some of the flour mixture to the creamed mixture alternately with sour cream, blending after each addition.
  3. Prepare the filling in a separate bowl. Cream softened butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon well. Stir in nuts. Set aside.
  4. Grease a 10-inch tube pan and line bottom with waxed paper. Turn half of batter into the pan. Dot the batter with half of the filling. Cover with the remaining batter and then dot with remaining filling.
  5. Bake at 350 degrees F for 50 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

Serve warm or at room temp. The cake can be prepared beforehand and reheated for serving.

I’d love to hear about the one family recipe that says “holidays” to you. And if you’d like, share the actual recipe with all of us in the comments.

Happy baking…and happy holidays!

Christmas morning doesn’t have to be Christmas mourning! Life Without Baby Holiday Companion offers inspiration and encouragement for getting through the season. Available here on our site and on Amazon—now just $4.95.

The Holiday Companion is Here!

Cover Final HiIt’s here!

The Life Without Baby Holiday Companion is now available—just in time to get you through the not-always-jolly holidays!

We know from personal experiences—and from stories shared by the wonderful readers of this site—that the holiday season can be especially painful when you wanted children but didn’t get to have them.

So we put together a collection of humorous, healing, and thought-provoking posts and tips, including “All I Want for Christmas is Wa,” “Baby Chitchat,” “Holiday Survival 101,” and “Top 10 Benefits of Childfree Holidays.”

As a member of the Life Without Baby community, you get to preview Holiday Companion before the ebook is released to the world on Amazon next week. PLUS, when you order your copy here, you’ll receive both the full-color PDF and a black and white printable version.

Our hope is that this book will give you inspiration and encouragement as you make your way to a happier new year and a happier new you.

Cheers!

Lisa & Kathleen

Summer Vacation and a Request for Help

P1160705By the time you read this I will be trekking through the Shropshire Hills with my mother (who turns 81 in a couple of weeks) and two of her friends (both in their 70s), and hoping I can keep up with them.

So that I can fully enjoy visiting my family and friends, and get a brain break as well as a physical break, I’m planning to give the site a vacation for the month of August.

Beginning on Wednesday, I’ll be posting reruns of some of my favorite and your favorite posts from the past year. Just like an episode of I Love Lucy, I hope you’ll get to enjoy these conversations again.

While I’m gone, I’ll also be contemplating what’s next for Life Without Baby. For those of you who’ve been tagging along with me for a while, you’ve probably noticed that the site go through a growth spurt about every six months or so, as I try to make it what I think it ought to be.

I’ve largely gone through this reinvention process on my own, noodling and brainstorming what I think is best for the site. This time, I’m getting smart (finally) and I’m asking you what you need most and what you want the site to be.

I’ve put together a short survey (8 check box questions, that’s all) and would be enormously grateful if you could offer me 5-10 minutes to let me know what’s important to you, so that I can then attempt to make it available.

Yes, I’ll take the survey!

Front cover-hiAs a thank you for your time, you’ll have the option be entered into a drawing to win a copy of my book, “I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood.” Just be sure to complete the survey by September 2 to be entered.

So, for now, enjoy your summer, enjoy the posts, and I’ll look forward to catching up with you again in September.

It Got Me Thinking…About Hitting a Few Balls

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

I have a new passion in life: golf! A gift card to a local driving range was among last year’s Christmas presents, and I’ve gone out and hit a few buckets worth in recent weeks. Here are a few things I love about my new sport:

  • You don’t have to be particularly fit or strong.
  • You don’t have to be young or fast.
  • You don’t have to be totally coordinated.
  • You don’t see a lot of babies and kids hanging around.
  • PLUS—bonus for our single sisters—it’s mostly men out there!

Turns out I’m not the only childfree woman who has embraced golf. A quick search online reveals that some of the greatest golfers in history are cheros (heros who happen to be childfree)!

Babe Didrickson Zaharias—ESPN named her the 10th Greatest North American Athlete of the 20th Century. Read her full bio here, which includes a mention about how authorities wouldn’t allow her and her husband to adopt a baby. (The FAQs page on her organization’s Website states “They tried to adopt a baby, but the rules were too strict during that time period.”)

Kathy Whitworth—She won an astonishing 88 Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) Tour tournaments during her career, which is more wins than anyone else in the LPGA or the PGA. View her stats here.

Mickey Wright—Wright was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame in 1964. During that period, she won at least one LPGA title in 14 straight seasons, a feat made more impressive by the fact that she retired at 34. Read a recent article about her here.

Even though I have no illusions about being competitive (apparently I’m what’s known on the course as a “duffer,” someone who hits a lot of bad shots), I’m enjoying trying something new—and I’m gaining a new appreciation for the achievements of our cheros. FORE!

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

 

Books That Heal

magical bookI love books. I love stepping into the world of a character and waiting to see what happens next and I also love reading non-fiction accounts of people whose lives aren’t like mine. But I also know the enormous value of reading someone else’s story or philosophy and being able to say, “You get me. You understand exactly how I feel.”

When you’re struggling with something such as coming-to-terms with a life without children, you’re probably finding already that people around you don’t always understand, so it can be such a comfort and relief to pick up a book and read someone who does.

When you don’t know how to deal with emotions, grief, or just putting one foot in front of the other, it can also helpful to have find a how-to book, a kind of toolbox of information to guide you through those treacherous waters.

As I continue to build this site and make it the resource I wish I’d had when I was struggling along alone, I want to create a list of helpful books. The trouble is, my nightstand is already overflowing and I can’t read the books I find fast enough.

So I’m asking for your help.

If you’ve come across a book that’s helped you (or is helping you now) please share it here. It can be a memoir or a how-to book. It can be directly related to the topic of coming-terms with a life without children or it can deal with related issues such as handling loss, rebuilding your life, or even managing social and family issues that might arise. If it’s helped you, chances are, it will be helpful to someone else. (And if you happen to be the author of a book, it’s perfectly okay to suggest your own book. Don’t be shy.)

Please share the name and author of the book, and if you want to include a bit about why you’d recommend it, that would be great, too. You can post your suggestions in the comments here or email me through the contact page if you’d prefer.

There’s a very short (and yes, somewhat biased) list at the bottom of the Learn page to start with some examples. My hope is to turn this scrawny little list into a useful resource on a whole page of its own! Please help me make my dream come true.